Rules to Living With the Flock
by INeedYourLove78
Summary: Think you have what it takes to live with the flock? Think you don't? Here's a simple rulebook to help you out. Don't think you'll need it? Your funeral, bro.
1. Kesha and gum

******A/N: This is my first Maximum Ride story! I haven't seen many of these around so I decided to write one. This is a rule guide to living with the flock. Think you'll need it? Think you won't? Your funeral, bro.**

PLEASE READ THE BELOW! EVEN IF YOU'VE ALREADY READ STORY!

A/N(2): Hello again, chikas! So. I noticed that most of my reviews were pretty funny. As in, freaking hilarious. Thus, I'm giving you a second chance. If you didn't review before, GO REVIEW NOW! Because each and every chapter henceforth will have a _Reviewer of the Chapter_. Creative name, I know. So I have gone through and put _the_ funniest review of each chapter in the first Author Note. BUT THERE'S STILL A CHANCE FOR YOU! Review now for this limited time offer. Litterally limited time. Through June 5th. SO GO REVIEW! Just note that I may take out parts of your review. But have fun and may the funniest reviewer make me and all you laugh!

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**Rules 1-20**

_**Rule #1: Do NOT steal Nudge's fashion magazines if you value your life.**_

**Nudge:** *sweetly* Iggy, do you know where my magazines are?

**Iggy:** Nope.

**Nudge:** I SAID WHERE ARE MY MAGAZINES!

**Iggy:** Dylan's closet! Don't hurt me!

_**Rule #2: Do NOT give Angel, Gazzy, or Nudge any energy drinks.**_

**Gazzy: **Hey, hey Max. Hey, hey Max. Hey, hey-

**Max: **What do you want from me?

**Gazzy: **Hi. Hey, hey Fang. Hey, hey Fang.

_**Rule #3: Only wake Nudge under dire circumstances.**_

**Max: **Sure, she can get up early to save the world, but when we're on vacation, don't even think about it.

_**Rule #4: Don't mention sight around Iggy.**_

**Dylan: **Oh, wow. Max, did you _see _the sunset? Did you _notice _all those colors? Did you _use the gift of sight _to admire it?

**Iggy: ***punches Dylan*

**Max: **He's a newcomer.

_**Rule #5: If you ever find an experiment made by Iggy and Gazzy, do NOT push the red button.**_

**Max: **Gazzy can make a stink bomb out of anything, even bubblegum, Coke, rubber bands, and cotton balls. Can you imagine what a red button would do?

_**Rule #6: When driving, never let Max steer unless you want mass damage done on someone's house.**_

**Fang: **It's common sense.

_**Rule #7: If Gazzy stares at you innocently for more than 30 seconds, run.**_

**Dylan: **That gas, that horrible rotten gas!

_**Rule #8: Don't quote Spongebob. Ever.**_

**Max: **I'm ready! I'm ready! (She did this before saving the world)

**Angel: **Rectangle's! (Iggy thought this one up for her during Max's Home School.)

**Nudge: **You'll never beat me, I'm HYDRODYNAMICALLY DESIGNED! (Nudge said this to Fang during Wii Sports. Fang's reply: O.o)

**Iggy: **The Hash Slinging Slasher! (He used this one when giving an Eraser a nice big kick.)

**Gazzy: **Bring it around town! Bring it arooooooooooound town! (Roundhouse kick. Need I say more?)

_**Rule #9: Never let Iggy try to solve a Rubix cube.**_

**Dylan: **He was up all night with that thing!

**Max: **He isn't _that _good with his color-seeing ability yet!

**Angel: **But he'll get it right about...now. *hear Iggy scream in triumph*

**Max: **Did I ever mention my complicated relationship with you, sweetie?

_**Rule #10: Never let Gazzy near a microwave.**_

**Max: **I decided to let him try to microwave some marshmallows once. Don't ask.

**Gazzy: **Did you know that marshmallows will explode if you leave them in there long enough?

**Max: **Yeah, well, like always, we had to learn the hard way. When I opened the door Nudge jumped back and screamed "It's alive!"

_**Rule #11: Never let them near hair dye.**_

**Nudge: **I was going to dye my hair to this cool auburn color, and Fang kind of slipped and rolled around in it. He made me wish I was alone in a room with Gazzy.

_**Rule #12: Don't let the flock sing Ke$ha.**_

**Max: **D-I-N-O-S-A-U-R a Dinosaur! And O-L-D M-A-N you're just an old man! (Jeb was offended when she sang that around him. And Max is not a very good singer...)

**Dylan: **And now dudes are lining up 'cause they hear we got swagger, but we kick 'em to the curve unless they look like Mick Jagger! (Everyone in the flock nearly broke a rib from laughing when we heard Dylan singing that in the shower!)

**Jeb: **Maybe I need some rehab, or maybe just need some sleep. I got a sick obsession; I'm seeing it in my dreams. I'm looking down every alley, I'm making those desperate calls. I'm stayin' up all night hoping hitting my head against the wall! (Angel convinced him to sing that to Dr. Martinez after he spilled coffee on her. It was kinda cute for adults. But Dr. Martinez didn't really look like she felt that way...)

_**Rule #13: Don't try to teach Jeb how to dance.**_

**Max: **Although Jeb plus Macarena equals dying of laughter.

_**Rule #14: Don't gamble with Angel.**_

**Dr. Martinez: **I lost fifty dollars before I realized why.

_**Rule #15: Do not give Gazzy burritos.**_

**Dylan: **Ugh, what's that smell?

**Max: **'That smell' is the burrito you so kindly gave the _Gasman._

**Dylan: **I really am new. But, on the good side, I now know why you call him the Gasman.

_**Rule #16: Don't challenge Nudge to a battle of Dance Dance Revolution.**_

**Nudge: **Ha! I beat you, Angel. Again. As usual. Normally. Casually. Like always. As-

**Angel: **Ok, ok, I get it! You beat me! But-*starts using hypnotic powers* You will never speak of this again.

**Nudge: ***Like a zombie* I will never speak of this again.

**Angel: **And you will slap Max every time she says the words 'clean up'. Is that understood?

**Nudge: **Yes, master.

**-1 Week Later-**

**Max: **Ok guys, that was a great breakfast Iggy, but I say it's time to _clean up._

**Nudge:** *slaps Max*

**Max: **Ow! What was that for?

**Nudge: **What was what for?

**Fang: **My money's on Angel.

**Rest of flock: **Agreed.

_**Rule #17: Don't do anything Angel tells you to do.**_

**Angel: **Max, you clean up the basement, Nudge, you fix up the kitchen, Gazzy-

**Max: **Not again!

_**Rule #18: No more of Max's Home School. Please.**_

**Jeb: ***He and Dylan walk in on Angel crying, trash bin filled to the brim, Iggy making troll faces at Max, Gazzy writing in neon pink marker, Nudge holding a book upside down, Fang unconscious on the floor, classical music booming from speakers, and Max standing over Nudge* What the...

**Max: ** Shh! They're _learning._

_**Rule #19: No swearing.**_

**Fang: **We prefer to keep their minds clean. Right, Max?

**Max: ***to Angel* That never happened. It's just bullsh-*notices everyone staring at her*-ark. Bullshark! Right? Bullshark!

_**Rule #20: No gum.**_

**Max: **It does taste good and does help us concentrate, but it's not helpful for up and aways.

**-1 Week Earlier-**

**Max: **Quick guys, up and away!

**Dylan: ***chewing gum. Immediately takes to the sky but then falls back down, choking* I think I swallowed my gum!

**The rest of the flock: ***facepalm*

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**A/N: I hope you enjoyed it! I'll continue it if you liked it. If you didn't, I'll just have this be a one-shot. Review! (:**


	2. Birds and donuts

**A/N: **Here are rules 21-40! Well, obviously, I guess.

Iggy: Yeah, _obviously._

Me: I know, right! Oh wait...

Reviewer of the Chapter:

**ZenaraTheDragon: **Lol! Oh wait, TWELVE CHAPTERS?! *happy dance* UNFORTUNATELY I have only read the first book of this series, but I love it, and thos fic looks- no, IS- funny. So I will now stop rambling and keep reading.

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**(Rules 21-40)**

_**Rule #21: Horror movies are forever banned.**_

**Max: **After watching the Grudge, Angel slept with me for three weeks. It probably didn't help that Gazzy was under the bed making croaking noises.

_**Rule #22: Don't use the sentence "Stupid birds" anywhere near the flock.**_

**Dylan: **They get very offended. Not that it was me or anything. *cough*

_**Rule #23: No more stealing Jeb's credit cards. Not even for 'emergencies'.**_

**Max: **Nudge, sweetie, you know that this one's for you.

_**Rule #24: The song 'One Hundred Bottles of Beer on the Wall' is banned.**_

**Fang: **Even on those especially long flights. Nudge and Angel even went into the negatives just to make my headache increase tenfold. Do you feel the freaking love?

_**Rule #25: The song 'The Bird is the Word' from Family Guy is banned.**_

**Nudge: **Fang had a headache three days AFTER we stopped singing it.

_**Rule #26: Air horns are banned as well.**_

**Iggy: **My ears are still ringing. Yeah, thanks Max...

_**Rule #27: No playing hide and go seek.**_

**Iggy: **They made me 'it'! And I can't even see!

**Max: **Then I took his place. And it took _me_ three freaking hours to find them! Angel used mind control to keep me away from her, Fang held really still so that he blended in, Nudge attracted metal to herself and made armor so I couldn't tell where she was, the Gasman left and flew to the top of the roof, and Iggy hid in the dishwasher!

_**Rule #28: Don't quote Step Brothers.**_

**Iggy: **Shut your mouth. Sh-sh-shut your mouth. (He uses that one on Nudge all the time)

**Fang: **Why are you so sweaty?

**Dylan: **I was watching Cops. (That actually happened once when Fang opened the front door)

**Nudge: **Chewbacca masks! (She said this to Gazzy when she stepped in her room and was pelted with water balloons.)

**Iggy: **You know what I got for Christmas? A crushed soul! (He used that one on Jeb when he didn't get this audible horror story he had asked for.)

_**Rule #29: No more slip and slide.**_

**Max: **Nudge hurt her wings and Angel ended up in a tree. Don't ask.

**Dylan: **I thought she would flap!

_**Rule #30: No slingshots.**_

**Nudge: **My eye STILL hurts.

**Dylan: **Although it was very helpful for dealing with Erasers. *Nudge glares at him* Just saying...

_**Rule #31: 'Yo Mama' jokes can't be used any more.**_

**Max: **Fang and Dylan got into a contest. I'm still not talking to either of them.

**Fang: **Not even to me?

**Max: **Nope.

**Dylan: **Or me?

**Max: ***cracks a smile* Well you are pretty cute...

_**Rule #32: Do not show the flock Annoying Orange.**_

**Fang: **Angel walked around the house for two days saying "WASABI". I really need earplugs.

_**Rule #33: Don't challenge Nudge to a dance off.**_

**Dylan: **She even beat me!

**Fang: **Looks like you're not so perfect after all. :p

*Dylan and Fang have glaring contest*

_**Rule #34: If Angel and Gazzy ask where babies come from, leave the room.**_

**Max: **They will be scarred for life, and you will have to face Angry Max.

_**Rule #35: When at the flock rez, you can't say anything offensing birds.**_

**Total: **How was I supposed to know?

_**Rule #36: Do not sing any embarrassing songs while in the shower.**_

**Dylan: **Angel always has her camera with her, so beware.

_**Rule #37: No staring at Max.**_

**Dylan: **The consequences will be severe. Believe me.

_**Rule #38: Don't touch Jeb's car.**_

**Jeb: **When I say don't touch my car, I mean DON'T TOUCH MY CAR.

_**Rule #39: And while we're setting up restrictions, stay away from Jeb's socks.**_

**Gazzy: **Bad, bad experiences.

_**Rule #40: Dylan is not allowed to watch the Simpsons.**_

**Max: **He quotes it way too much.

**Dylan: ***stubs toe* D'oh!

**Nudge: **Ha! Your shirt is funny.

**Dylan: **Why you little-!

**Dylan: ***eating a donut* Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

**Dylan: ***on the computer* "To start, press any key." Where's the ANY key?

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**A/N: **Hope you enjoyed! I will take rule requests. Review! :)


	3. Guitar hero and ball pits

******A/N: **hhhhhhhhhhhyyyyykkkkkkkkkk (my rat wrote that!(: ) Anyways, thanks to those of you who reviewed! That really means a lot! :D Anyways, here are rules 41-60! I own nothing.

Reviwer of the Chapter:

**LalalandMuse: **My favorites were #8, 12, 18, 27, and 31 (except for the implied Mylan...) This is soooo funny please continue this! :) :) :)

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**(Rules 41-60)**

_**Rule #41: Don't challenge Fang to a game of Guitar Hero unless you're a good sport and don't mind losing very badly.**_

**Max: **He beat the game on Extreme. Blindfolded. Nudge, Gazzy, Dylan, and Angel followed him around the entire day chanting "We are not worthy!"

_**Rule #42: The game 'Boost Up' is forever banned from the rez.**_

**Max: **Angel told me it's when you go up behind someone and grab them, then yell, "BOOST UP!" Not sure how she knew what it means... Gazzy went around doing it to everyone, but he didn't have the guts to do it to Fang. Dylan then triple dog dared him. Then Gazzy snuck up behind Fang when he dropped something, and- "BOOST UP, FANG!" I've never seen Gazzy fly so fast. While Fang chased him around the yard with a baseball bat, he yelled, "Max! Write on my tombstone that I regret nothing! Buahahaha!"

_**Rule #43: If Iggy and Ella break up, do NOT console either of them.**_

**Nudge: **I know I shouldn't be saying that, but trust me on this one. If you go to Ella and ask her what's wrong, she'll stare at you for exactly 3.5 seconds before shrieking, "YOUR FACE IS WRONG!" Then she slams the door in your wrongful face. If you go to Iggy, he'll be too busy to talk to you. Busy as in playing the Blues on his harmonica, locked up in his room.

_**Rule #44: If Iggy and Gazzy's experiments go wrong and they say the following, DUCK and COVER.**_

"Nobody panic, nobody panic! We just have to follow these simple instructions...Crap! Gazzy, where'd you put them?" / "You had them!" / "Did not!" / "Did to!" / "Did not!" / "Did to!"

**Max: **The whole place stunk for days, so we camped out in the backyard.

_**Rule #45: Don't sign Jeb's mini-van up for Pimp My Ride.**_

**Jeb: **Max, Dylan, Fang, Iggy.

_**Rule #46: Don't you dare spike anyone's coffee with ANYTHING.**_

**Max: **We had this long flight ahead of us, and coffee wasn't really helping Nudge wake up, so my dear Iggy decided to pour half a can of monster in it. Yes, the flight's destination changed to the ER room so we could get Nudge sedated.

_**Rule #47: Don't let the flock play the Dizzy Game.**_

**Jeb: **It's where you hold a baseball bat and hold it to your forehead, then you spin around numerous times. ... Don't ask me how I know what it is...

_**Rule #48: If you just so happen to be running a haunted house, DON'T ask the flock for help.**_

**Max: **We helped with a neighbor's one time. I ran up to Fang and said, "Ok, you got those rubber snakes ready?" Fang then blinked at me before his eyes went wide. "They were supposed to be fake?" We bailed.

_**Rule #49: Don't ask them to help with a New Year's party, either.**_

**Max: **When fireworks went off at midnight, Nudge said, "Ooh, look! Fireworks!" Gazzy said, "Ah, those aren't fireworks." Double bail.

**Jeb: **I am so too old for this.

_**Rule #50: If you like breathing, don't tell Nudge she looks like the younger version of Paris Hilton.**_

**Dylan: **She will go rabid on you. Although the resemblance is a little...no, never mind.

_**Rule #51: Always beware of pranks in the flock rez.**_

**Jeb: **It doesn't matter how much you prepare yourself, they always strike when you're least expecting. Hint: Don't leave drying sheets hanging around. They can wrap themselves up in them and then fly around like ghosts. Scared the crap out of Dr. Martinez.

_**Rule #52: Don't let Nudge help you pick out outfits.**_

**Max: **Unless you like pink. Lots and lots of pink. Trust me, there is no way you can look manly in a hot pink wife-beater. Gazzy saw Jeb wearing once and he blinked at him before saying, "Is there something you're not telling us, Jeb?" I came in, took one look at him, and I swear I almost broke a rib from laughing so hard.

_**Rule #53: If there are no chocolate chip cookies in the house, you'd better get some. Pronto.**_

**Fang: **Max freaked out. Cinnamon cookies just don't cut it in our house.

_**Rule #54: Humans out there, don't try to fly. It just doesn't work.**_

**Angel: **Jeb still doesn't understand. *shakes head and sighs*

_**Rule #55: Jeb, stop getting pick-up lines off the internet.**_

**Fang: **And also stop getting us to test them out.

**Max: **Here are some of them...

"You'll do."

"My love is a killer. Wanna die happy?"

"You know what? Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche."

"If you were a burger at McDonalds, you'd be a McGorgeous."

"Can I even get a fake number?" (Shockingly, he did.)

_**Rule #56: 'The Duck Song' is banned.**_

**Nudge: ***softly to herself* A duck walked up to a lemonade stand...

**Fang: **Ahhhhh! *busts through window breaking it*

**Max: ***calling after him* You do realize that the door was open and right there, you know, next the window that you freaking broke?

**-The next day at breakfast-**

**Angel: **Hey, bum bum bum, got any grapes?

**Fang: **Yep! *Passes her the grapes. Everyone looks at him weird* These new earplugs I got are great!

_**Rule #57: Don't let them pick out tree ornaments.**_

**Max: **Jeb, if you see toothbrushes and other personal hygiene stuff, don't be surprised.

_**Rule #58: Don't look up name generators.**_

**Max: **Angel's was Helleborine Charming.

Gazzy's was Sorrel Delightful.

Nudge's was Primrose Misty.

Iggy's was Sage Sweet.

Fang's was Cowslip Lord.

Dylan's was Willow Sparkle.

Jeb's was Sunflower Reins.

Ella's was Lily Eyes.

Mine was Tulip Snowy...

...don't do name generators.

_**Rule #59: Don't take Angel shopping.**_

**Jeb: **She convinces you to buy the _store_!

**Angel: **We are now the proud owners of two Targets, one Wal-Mart, three McDonalds, and one hospital.

**Jeb: **At the hospital, you could've just bought the gift shop!

**Angel: **What's the fun in that?

_**Rule #60: Flock&ball pit equals baaad idea.**_

**Jeb: **They never want to come out! Not even Max and Fang! They love to fly around and then just drop. Ella and her mom were supposed to be helping me, but I saw Ella get this tempted look in her eye before jumping in the ball pit yelling, "BONZAI!". Her _mother _then followed suit yelling, "JENGA!" and did a belly flop.

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**A/N: **I hope you like those rules! And now, a simple message from our sponsors...

One word: Review.

We authors here on Fanfiction write stories. Obviously? Yeah. But the thing is, we have to take time to do it. You don't know how much the authors you read from get yelled at by parents and miss homework assignments just to give you, the reader, a nice update. That's what they do for you. They write a good story and give you the pleasure of reading it. The least that you can do for them is review. Take ten seconds out of your time to write a message simple as 'Nice story' 'Update soon' or 'Love it, what will happen next, update soon'.

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So all in all, review. And YOU can save a story and author from its destruction.


	4. Twilight and Miley Cyrus

**A/N:** Ok, I'm really enjoying this story! Here's chapter 4, sorry if it's not as funny as the others were. Enjoy! :)

Reviwer of the Week:

**SunnyShiner: **I feel like I am laughing more than a mature fourteen year old should...

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**(61-80)**

_**Rule #61: Don't strap leaf blowers to your back while wearing roller skates.**_

**Angel: **I broke my leg!

**Iggy: **No you didn't.

**Max: **No one got hurt, thank God for wings. But I have to enforce this rule.

_**Rule #62: When bored during those long flights, never start singing The Circle of Life from the Lion King just to scare everyone awake.**_

**Nudge: "**Nants Ingonyama! Bagithi baba!" That would be the awesome intro. By the time I got to the chorus everyone had finally jerked fully awake and was glaring at me. Except Angel, she was singing with me.

_**Rule #63: When Angel, Dylan, and Nudge go nutters over the Twilight movies, just leave the room.**_

**Max: **They will bite your head off. No pun intended. When New Moon came out, they bought it at midnight and watched it until six o'clock in the freaking morning. I was watching a Family Guy marathon with Fang at the time.

_**Rule #64: Don't go swimming.**_

**Max: **The lifeguards freak out when me, Angel, Fang, and the flock are underwater for too long. Of course, it's not too long for us, cause we can breathe underwater, but don't tell them that!

_**Rule #65: Jeb and Monster Energy is a horrible combination.**_

**Max: **Seriously, he's worse than the flock. It doesn't help that he's allergic to it.

_**Rule #66: If Gazzy gets mad at you, hide your laptop.**_

**Max: **Apparently Nudge gave him an innocent lesson in hacking. Hacking as in crashing your entire Hard Drive.

_**Rule #67: Sock skating is no longer allowed.**_

**Nudge: **Even though it is perfect for doing Michael Jackson moves. I ended up under a coffee table. Dylan hit his head on the counter. We both got to face Angry Max.

_**Rule #68: Bungee jumping is not prohibited.**_

**Fang: **When Iggy tried it, he dropped to the ground, and then the rope broke.

**Dylan: **When Angel tried it, she went down to the ground, and was then thrown into the sky.

_**Rule #69: Christmas lights are to be at the legal limit.**_

**Max: **Angel and Gazzy went a little overboard. *to Jeb* Hey, Jeb! Mars called! They asked us to cut the lights off because their citizen's think that we're trying to shoot at them!

_**Rule #70: Don't let Angel get the mail.**_

**Fang: **She'll sing the mail song from Blues Clues.

**Angel: ***getting mail* Here's the mail, it never fails. It makes me wanna wag my tail. When it comes I wanna wail-MAAAAAAAAAAAIL!

_**Rule #71: Don't invite ornithologists over.**_

**Iggy: **Just because we're both human and bird, doesn't mean that...that...We don't have feelings! We don't like to be studied.

**Dylan: **That, and Max will track you down.

_**Rule #72: Always keep Nudge's night light on.**_

**Max: **She's secretly terrified of the dark. Fang and I are the only ones who know. If the night light goes out and she sleeps in your bed, you will not get any sleep.

**Nudge: ***night light went out and so she is in Max's bed* Did you hear that? What about that? Max, I saw something! No, I swear I did! How could you not hear that? You're crazy, I clearly heard-Oh my gosh, did you see that? Yes you did, you just don't want to get up and see what it was!

_**Rule #73: They are no longer allowed writing self-help books. (Guidelines are the exception)**_

Things I've learned about Unrequited Love (Dylan)

How to Lose a Fight with Style (Jeb)

Driving with Max: Get in, Sit down, strap up, and shut up (Fang)

_**Rule #74: Warn the flock before you sneeze.**_

**Jeb: **They'll think it's an Eraser or something. Seriously, one time I sneezed out of nowhere, and got a big punch in the face from Max when she immediately went into fight mode. She claims it was an accident, but I think not.

_**Rule #75: Fang and Iggy, stop making fun of Dylan's secret Miley Cyrus obsession! **_

**Max: **That's my job!

_**Rule #76: Don't let them watch cartoons with annoying theme songs. That includes the following: **_

The Batman Theme (Iggy sings that every time they're on their way to stop a robbery or something.)

The Addams Family (When Jeb decided to talk to the flock about the meaning of life, he asked everyone personally what the first song they thought of was when they thought of their family. Nudge's response: Da da da da *snap snap* Da da da da *snap snap* Jeb's head looked about to explode)

The Ghostbusters Theme (Jeb once picked up the phone and Max asked "Who you gonna call?" Then from somewhere in the house Iggy shouted "GHOSTBUSTERS!"

The Pink Panther Theme (It's now Fang's stalking Max music)

_**Rule #77: Always bring a fly swatter when babysitting the flock.**_

**Jeb: **My aim is getting better every day!

_**Rule #78: Evil laughter is now banned.**_

**Angel: **We're really starting to creep Dr. Martinez out with the mua-ha-haing.

_**Rule #79: No one is allowed to sing the song "Shed a Tear" when Dylan is around.**_

**Max: **He started crying when we were watching Bambi and the mom died. See, most people would say "Aw!" and think it was so sweet to see a guy with feelings, but Fang and I beg to differ. So when Dylan walked into the kitchen the other day, Fang and I started singing "With you right here, Imma shed a tear and...cry-y-y-y-y-y! Don't be afraid to cry! You can still be a manly guy! Just cry-y-y-y-y-y! Don't be afraid to cry! Let it free fall from your eyes!

**Fang: **I am now grounded. Of course Max isn't, her being the leader and all. So Jeb only had the authority to ground her. Grr...

_**Rule #80: Whenever you have a headache, stomachache, or just a plain out ache, DON'T go to Jeb. Wait for Max to find you something.**_

**Nudge: **Hey Jeb, I'm not feeling too good. Do you have an Advil or something?

**Jeb: **Hmm, lemme see...oh, yeah! Here's something!

**Nudge: **What's the label say?

**Jeb: **"Warning: Do not take this medication with any form of alcohol, energy drink, or another other type of liquid (Tea, juice, plain water). You should not operate heavy machinery, which includes breathing and blinking. Do not take this medication if you are pregnant, may become pregnant, or plan on becoming pregnant in the next eleven years or so. Side effects may include: nausea, lower back pain, weight gain, weight loss, itchy chafing clothing, ringworm, the shanks, scoliosis, loss of bladder control, warped floors, hunchback, heart attack, feline leukemia, head lice, athlete's foot, fleas, sleeplessness, drowsiness, seizures, fever, vomiting, more vomiting, hallucinations, poor gas mileage, split ends, warts, lazy eye, unibrow, chest pains, and the belief that you are a pink mouse that sings, "I want to be a funky chicken!" every three to five minutes." Alrighty Nudge, one or two tablets?

**Nudge: **(O.O'=her face) Erm...on second thought, Jeb, I think I'll just stick with the headache...

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**A/N: **I hope you liked it! If you have any rules I would be happy to use them, giving you credit, of course. Review! :)


	5. Yoda and frisbees

**A/N:** Thanks to everyone who's been reviewing! I didn't have a lot of free time today so the update is here now. (this is mwam's lil sis! hope u enjoy! whoever's seen gideon from gravity falls- just lil' ole me!(: )

Reviewer of the Chapter:

**ZenaraTheDragon: **GHOSTBUSTERS! :P

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**(Rules 81-100)**

_**Rule #81: Like said earlier, always be aware of Gazzy and Iggy's experiments. If they say the following, run like you're in the middle of a zombie apocalypse.**_

**Iggy: **Was I supposed to pull the red wire?

**Gazzy: **Holy-!

BOOOOM!

**Iggy: **Do not panic, do not panic, donotpanic, donotpanicdonotpanic, DO NOT PANIC!

**Gazzy: **DUCK!

**Iggy: **We might have made a tiny miscalculation...

**Gazzy: **Tiny as in dat-da-dah, we're dead?

**Iggy: **...No comment.

**Gazzy: **Chances of survival are dwindling into single-digits now...

**Both: **WE'RE OKAY!

KA-BLAM!

**Both: **LESS OKAY!

**Iggy: **BUAHAHAHA! IT'S ALIIIIIIVE!

_**Rule #82: Don't let Jeb or Dr. Martinez have ANY alcohol, even on special occasions.**_

**Fang: **This includes Bahama Mamas, Daiquiri's, Margaritas, and ESPECIALLY Tequila. Max and Dylan even made up a rhyme to remind them of those horribly embarrassing but quite hilarious alcohol experiences.

**Max and Dylan: **One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor!

_**Rule #83: Talk like Yoda, you should not.**_

**Max: **A slap to the head, you shall receive.

_**Rule #84: Don't ask Gazzy and Iggy to turn you into a Bommer Zombie from the game Left for Dead.**_

**Dylan:** *sigh*They will say no.

**Max: **Dylan asked them to build him a light saber. Again with the no.

_**Rule #85: Try not to give Angel too much sugar.**_

**Gazzy: **After she had three Kit-Kat's she ran around the neighborhood yelling, "I'M A GOOFY GOOBER!"

_**Rule #86: No Twister.**_

**Fang: **My neck, shoulders, elbows, hands, fingers, torso, legs, knees, feet, and toes still hurt.

_**Rule #87: Max, please stop saying that Dr. Gunther-Hagen looks like Dr. Evil from the Austin Powers movies.**_

**Angel: **Criminals have feelings too! Well...maybe not, but still.

_**Rule #88: Don't let Total ride on top of your car.**_

**Dylan: **We got pulled over because there was a dog laughing on top of our car.

_**Rule #89: When Dr. Martinez is mopping and sighs dreamily then says, "That's the power of Pine-Sol, baby." just smile and nod, then back away slowly.**_

_**Rule #90: Hide the Nutcrackers from Angel.**_

**Gazzy: **She's terrified of them. And so am I.

_**Rule #91: The following songs should never be sung:**_

**The Llama song **("Here's a llama, there's a llama, and another little llama. Fuzzy llama, funny llama, llama, llama, duck!" Jeb got a headache from trying to figure out where the duck came from)

**Bad to the Bone **(When Jeb bought his Mustang, he pulled up into the driveway blasting this song. The song is banned because Max was laughing so hard she fell down the porch steps and broke her wrist. And she was still laughing her butt off all the way to the Emergency Room)

**Peanut Butter Jelly Time **(Do the Peanut Butter Jelly with a baseball bat!" "Now whey you at? Whey you at? Whey you at? Now dey you go! Dey you go! Dey you go! Dey you go!" Fang swears he is so being a banana for Halloween)

**Barbie Girl **(Fang fainted when Nudge and Angel started singing it)

**The Gummy Bear Song** ("Oh I'm a gummy bear, yes I'm a gummy bear, oh I'm a yummy, tummy, funny, lucky gummy bear!" Are you surprised that Angel and Gazzy love that song?)

**Move It **(You know, the one from Madagascar? Max sings it to Dylan when she wants the front and he's in it. Jeb sits in the front driver seat, so he banned it)

**Kung Fu Fighting **(Max banned it when she saw Gazzy and Iggy practicing their ninja moves while singing this song)

_**Rule #92: Don't quote Jimmy Neutron.**_

**Iggy: **Sometimes it's a burden to be such a genius.

**Dylan: **I know what you mean. That's why I decided early on to sabotage my highly scientific brain with cartoons and sugar.

**...**

**Random guy: **You look like a couple of intelligent young women.

**Nudge: ***wearing fake fashion glasses* Na, it's just the glasses.

**...**

**Max: ***to Jeb, who is wearing lab coat and goggles* Nice duds, dude. You lose a bet?

**...**

**Jeb: ***on the phone with Dr. Martinez* Whatcha doing?

**Dr. Martinez: **Well, after we hang up I'll be getting an unlisted number.

**...**

**Gazzy: ***explaining an invention to Nudge* Okay. All you have to do is press the buttons-

**Nudge: **Got it!

**Gazzy:** I'm not done. Press the buttons one at a time-

**Nudge:** Got it!

**Gazzy:** I'm not done! Press the buttons one at a time when they light up!

**Nudge:** ...

**Gazzy:** I'm done.

**Nudge:** Got it!

_**Rule #93: No more Frisbee's for Fang.**_

**Dylan: **He and I were throwing a Frisbee in the yard (don't ask) and this lady was jogging by the house, and... Well, jogging as in the slow-mo jogging scene from the movie Click. I threw the Frisbee and Fang was kind of out of it, and- "FANG, FRISBEE!" "Wha-?" WHAM! ...I think I now realize why Fang doesn't like me so much.

_**Rule #94: Always make sure Max is paid for doing chores. Or else she will reply like this:**_

**Max: **Jeb is a cheap, lying, rotten, low life, snake licking, dirt eating, inbread, over stuffed, ignorant, blood sucking, dog kissing, brainless, hopeless, useless- (Three hours later) Heartless, fat, bug eyed, still legged, good for nothing JERK!

_**Rule #95: You might be surprised to hear this, but you should always take girl advice from Iggy.**_

**Iggy: **There are three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere: 'Hold my purse.'

As a man in love, you have two ways to live your life. You can be right, or you can be happy.

Don't be the guy who looks at another girl and sleeps on the couch for the next two years.

_**Rule #96: When wanting to buy that special someone in your life a gift, don't go to Nudge.**_

**Fang: **You don't have the money for whatever she picks out. Seriously, you won't even have enough cash for the tax. I was going to get Max something for Christmas, so Nudge went to the mall with me. She picked out a ring with a rock in it that put the Pink Panther Diamond to shame. And yes, the gem in the store was pink. I know, shocker!

_**Rule #97: 'That's what she said' jokes are banned.**_

**Fang: **Jeb's trying to keep Angel's mind as innocent as he can.

**Dylan: **I once said one of the jokes and Jeb chased me around the yard with a loaded Nerf gun for two hours. While my lovely friend Max laughed herself into unconsciousness.

_**Rule #98: Leeks are no longer prohibited.**_

**Fang: **That would be my girlfriend's weapon of choice. Mine was throwing oranges. Max stabbed both of my eyes at once with one. She's an undercover ninja, I just know it! I mean what normal bird kid could have the skill to aim a leek so well it pokes you hard enough to blind you for six hours? Think about it!

_**Rule #99: Glow in the dark paint should not be used.**_

**Nudge: **Max went into Dylan's room and on the wall painted 'Now you see me!' in glow in the dark paint, then beside it she wrote in normal paint, 'Now you don't!' Dylan is now undergoing therapy for message paranoia.

_**Rule #100: When in the middle of a Max and Dylan fight, stay out of the way.**_

**Iggy: **Got a tiny scar for not remembering this.

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**A/N: **Wow! 100 rules already! Review! :)


	6. Toy Story and road rage

******A/N: **Achoo! Sorry, that was me sneezing from all the cobwebs since I've updated this! I apologize. So moving away from the subject of my allergies, here is chapter 6! Enjoy!

Reviewer of the Chapter:

**emowriter: **Llama song is my new favourite song. I am so going to try that with glow in the dark paint.

* * *

**(Rules 101-120)**

_**Rule #101: When the fast-talking commercial man says "Don't try it at home", then Gazzy, don't try it at home!**_

**Max: **Do I really need to mention the shopping cart incident?

_**Rule #102: This rule is for the fellow bros out there. We know our sisters go a little nutters for a few days every month. This is the time where you should do the following:**_

**Fang: **Be cautious.

**Iggy: **When chicks are in this horrible state, they're deadlier than Witch zombies from Left 4 Dead. So stay as far away as possible, stay quiet, keep harsh lighting out of their sight, and do NOT startle them.

**Dylan: **If you fail to do the above and your sister charges at you like a rabid lemur, then do the following before she can body slam herself through your door: Lock yourself in your room. Electrify your door. Put barbed wire around your bed. Dim the lights in your room, it makes targeting you much more difficult. Get weapons! I would recommend Nerf guns over water guns. Cold water just makes them angrier. Finally, buy a gas-mask and a map to New Guinea, just to be safe. And before people start to think I don't love the girls in this house, think again. This is just self-protection.

_**Rule #103: Don't watch Toy Story movies at the house.**_

**Nudge: **Angel won't even go in her room anymore. She's freaked out by her stuffed animals, even Celeste.

_**Rule #104: No more video games for Angel.**_

**Dylan: **Because I shall never be beaten! Bua..hahaha...hahahahaha...HAHAHAHAHA!

**Max: **Dylan, what are you doing in there?

**Dylan: **N-Nothing Max!

**Max: **Did you burst into random evil laughter again?

**Dylan: **...Maybe.

_**Rule #105: Whenever you have the sudden urge to sing "Don't Stop Believing" at the top of your lungs, don't.**_

**Dylan: **I warn you once more my young Padawans, beware of Angel's camera! And Fang's. Freaking Jeb got him a Flip camera for Christmas. Napoleon Dynamite voice: GOSH!

_**Rule #106: Max gets a little moody when she's sick, so when she gets the flu, don't ask her this:**_

**Dylan: **Do you want something to make you feel better, Max?

**Max: **Oh, I'll tell you what you want! I want wrestlers, cut-throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperatos, mugs, bugs, fugs, nit-wits, half-wits, half-wits, dim-wits, vipers, snipers, con-men, indigenous bandits, muggers, buggers, bushwacers, horn-swagglers, horse thieves, bull fighters, train robbers, bank robbers-

**Dylan: **Um...okay, well, I don't have any of those. But I've got some Advil! *Max glares*

_**Rule #107: If you get the hiccups, don't go to Max.**_

**Fang: **She will go to great extremes to scare them out of you. For example, if you go to get a glass of water for said hiccups, when you turn on the kitchen light you will see her crouched on top of the fridge. She will then scream, "MAXIMUM POUNCE!" and jump on you. Sure, it stops the hiccups, but still.

_**Rule #108: In the flock residence, it is essential that you name your vehicle.**_

**Nudge: **Fang's motorcycle is the Vampire Attack. He calls it that so that no one goes on it by themselves. Jeb's Mustang is the Swagger Wagon. Max came up with that one.

_**Rule #109: If you plan on insulting Nudge, make sure you are out of kick mode.**_

**Iggy: **This rule is the essence of survival.

_**Rule #110: Don't ask Iggy to change your car into a Transformer.**_

**Gazzy: **I honestly think having Optimus Prime would help with dealing with the Erasers. Max wanted Bumblebee. Dr. Martinez wanted Megatron. (O.O')

_**Rule #111: When Nudge is talking, LISTEN. She will resort to drastic measures if you don't pay attention to what she is saying.**_

**Nudge: **Yeah, and then I said... Fang, are you listening to me?

**Fang: **Huh?

**Nudge: **Hmm. Well, anyway, I said that, and then the building caught on fire, then I ate an entire salami-

**Fang: **Uh-huh, that's great...

**Nudge: **And Jeb is pregnant with Guther's kid-

**Fang: **Iggy sprayed coffee across the living room. Dr. Martinez giggled. Angel looked confused. Dylan gagged. Ella sighed and rolled her eyes, then hit Nudge with a rolled up newspaper. Jeb looked insulted. Gazzy looked scared and scarred. I've never heard Max laugh so hard.

_**Rule #112: Like said earlier, beware of pranks at the rez.**_

**Jeb: **We forgot to tell you that the flock can get into the walls, don't ask. So, when you hear a voice from absolute thin air whisper, "Geeeet...OUUUUT!" simply say, "Fang, don't think I won't go get a copy of your pick-up lines from Gazzy." You won't hear anything again, I guarantee it.

_**Rule #113: Do NOT honk at Jeb when on the highway.**_

**Gazzy: **He has horrible road rage.

**Jeb: **Yeah, KEEP HONKING! I'M RELOADING!

**Iggy: **Bail, bail, bail.

_**Rule #114: No more kool-aid for Iggy.**_

**Max: **Seriously dude, you're starting to scare Angel with your red-stained face.

_**Rule #115: Max, stop watching World's Dumbest.**_

**Fang: **You're giving Gazzy too many ideas! Jeb can't call poison control more than three times a year, keep that in mind!

_**Rule #116: As you can tell, we in the flock are pretty random. So when we say the following, don't be alarmed. Be afraid. Be very afraid.**_

**Gazzy: **I'm going to shave a Chia Pet. Who cares to join me?

**Iggy:** Licking door knobs is illegal on other planets.

**Max:** Honestly, this isn't the worst thing I've been caught doing.

**Nudge: **Don't think I won't stab you. Pretty much every prison in the state has a restraining order on me, so I have nothing to lose!

_**Rule #117: Don't ask Fang, "What's up?"**_

**Dylan: **The dude has a very dry sense of humor. *Turns to Fang* What's up?

**Fang: **The sky.

Gas prices.

My salary.

My annoyance with you.

My hate for veggies.

My growing want to scream and walk away from you.

_**Rule #118: Jeb, never use the following excuses when you're late for meetings:**_

In my attempt to kill a fly, I hit a telephone pole.

A pedestrian hit me and crawled under my car.

To avoid hitting the grill of the car behind me, I had to speed up and hit the car in front of me.

_**Rule #119: Beware of "Silly Songs with Larry" from Veggie Tales.**_

**Fang: **Angel and Nudge freaking love them, much to my torturous demise.

**Nudge: **Oh, where is my hair brush? Oh, where is my hair brush? Oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where, oh where, oh wheeeeeere...is my hair brush?"

**Fang:** Nudge sings that song every morning. Drives me up the wall. Literally. I'm like Wolverine!

**Angel: **Everybody's' got a water buffalo, yours is fast but mine is slow. Oh, where do we get them, I don't know, but everybody's got a water bufaloo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo!

**Fang: ***Head explosion*

_**Rule #120: No flying out the car roof.**_

**Jeb: **Do I really need to say anything?

* * *

**A/N: **I hope you thought those were funny, because I seriously did not think them my best work... Review! I'm begging you! Because right now I don't feel like anyone's reading and I might abandon this story. So if you don't want that to happen...review! :)


	7. Ninjas and chocolate bunnies

******A/N: **Hello! This chapter is going to be shorter then usual because the boys of the flock stole my laptop and wrote their own rules! So here's what they came up with! Enjoy! :)

Reviewer of the Chapter:

**LalalandMuse: **I love your interpretation of the flock because it manages to be funny without being too OOC. This is one of the few stories where I actually like Dylan because he's okay with Max not liking him. It's the kind of story that's a great relief from all the intense, drama filled MR fanfics on here. Plus it makes me laugh so hard I must get a serious ab workout everytime I read a new chapter.

* * *

**(Rules 1-15 by the guys)**

**Gazzy's rules**

_**Rule #1: Don't touch Fang's iPhone. **_He gets violent. We've lost some brave men because this rule wasn't take seriously.

_**Rule #2: Just because Dylan watches Soap Operas with Dr. Martinez doesn't mean we should make fun of him. **_Wait, yes it does. ...Never mind.

_**Rule #3: If you just happen to have a voice modifier, then please, don't set it to squeak mode and try to sing opera. **_You will bust eardrums. Including your own.

_**Rule #5: One sound to fear my friends: **_*BOOOOOOOOOM!* GAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZYYYYYYYYYY!

**Iggy's rules**

_**Rule #6: Try to use small words around Dylan. **_If you haven't noticed, he has a limited vocabulary...Make that very limited. Poor guy had a headache for three days after Ella tried to explain how to use the washer and dryer.

_**Rule #7: If you value your life, don't underestimate Nudge's ninja skills. **_She may look sweet, but she can go femme Hulk on just about any reporter that gets in our faces. About a quarter of the paparazzi have a restraining order against her.

_**Rule #8: No more shopping cart races. **_Max, Dylan. Jeb. Yes, I know about that one time, Jeb! (Blackmail file now full)

_**Rule #9: When Dylan and Max get into an argument and Max chases him around the yard, don't start playing Yankey Sax music. **_Really fits the scene, sure, but you don't want to be the one she's chasing.

_**Rule #10: If Max and Dylan prank you, simply go to Fang and tell him that Max is leaving him for Dylan again. **_Price. Less.

**Fang's rules**

_**Rule #11: Don't let Dylan or Max near the kitchen. **_They are known for their legendary food fights. It doesn't help that Gazzy keeps score and cheers them on.

_**Rule #12: No touchie my Chocolate Bunnies.**_ I'm just saying it in advance for Angel, Nudge, Max, Gazzy, Iggy, Ella, Dylan, and Jeb.

_**Rule #13: No more video games for Dylan. **_Because I will never be outplayed! BAUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Gag) (Choke) (Cough) (Dylan laughs himself into a coma)

_**Rule #14: If Jeb gets mad at you, just hug him. **_I know it sounds awkward, and it is, but it works. "Fang, I don't need hugging!" "Yeah, yeah you do." After about thirty seconds of it, he will forget all about your punishment. ;)

_**Rule #15-Always remember kids: Toaster Waffles make everything better.**_

* * *

**A/N:** So tell me: Did you like what the boys came up with? Was it funny? Review! Peace and pancakes! :D


	8. Plate spinning and muffins

******A/N:** Hello people! Yes, I'm still alive. I know it's been forever, but here is the next set of rules! Enjoy! :)

Reviewer of the Chapter:

**ZenaraTheDragon: **Yankey Sax. I can imagine that. So funny. So, so fitting...

* * *

**(Rules 16-30 by the girls)**

**Nudge's Rules**

_**Rule #16: Dylan and Angel, stop trying to see which one of you can count all of Pi. **_Dylan stopped at 3.14. For everyone who actually learned something during Max's Home School, you know that's not much to be proud of. Angel sang to the thousandth digit in Japanese.

**Angel: **San, rei, iti, si, iti, go, kyuu, ni, roku, go, san, go, hati, kyuu, siti-

**Dylan: **AAAH! MAKE IT STOOOP! Too many numbers, TOO MANY NUMBAAAA's! You win, you win, just maaaake it STOOOOP!

**Me:** Forehead slap.

**Angel:** ^.^

_**Rule #17: No more Soaps for Jeb. **_He gets waaay to into those shows.

**Jeb: **Sniffle, sniffle. I c-c-c-can't believe S-S-S-S-Steven k-k-killed J-J-Janey a-after sh-sh-she c-caught hi-him ch-ch-cheating! Why, oh why, would he do that?

**Fang:** If I was caught cheating, murder wouldn't be my first move. First the apology letters, then the chocolates, then the flowers, then I'd go in for the kill.

**Max:** Well that's reassuring...

_**Rule #18: If you just happen to have the random urge to burst dramatically into the flock rez, don't be afraid when you see Jeb or Dr. Martinez alone in the kitchen mopping floors and shaking things that should never be shaken by middle aged people.**_ Apparently being home alone with a mariachi CD is an excellent stress reliever.

_**Rule #19: Dylan, whenever you lose a bet with Max and get stuck gardening, you'd better PICK UP THAT FREAKING RAKE when you're finished!**_ Do you have any idea how much it hurts when you step on the teeth of a rake and the handle slams into your forehead?

_**Rule #20: Plate spinning is banned from the flock Residence.**_ Dylan and Max, Dr. Martinez only has so much priceless china.

**Angel's Rules**

_**Rule #21: Fang, stop stealing Jeb's video camera to try and catch Dylan doing something illegal.**_ After a day of following Dylan around:

**Me: **So, how's the Juvi Dylan Project going?

**Fang: **Well, I followed him to the Barbie section of Wal Mart-

**Me: **Sound's creepy already...

**Fang: **I know; that's what I thought too! Turns out he was actually getting Rocker Barbie for someone or the other's birthday...

**Me: **Oh. What else happened?

**Fang: **After dodging tens of thousands little pit-spawns in the bounce house, he watched a Jersey Shore marathon, chugged a gallon of milk, made chocolate chip cookies with Dr. Martinez, called Max and talked for three freaking hours, then went to bed while listening to Thriller.

**Me: **Sounds like a thrilling day.

**Fang: **Yep. Oh, and he took a shower with Old Spice body wash at seven o' three.

**Me: **...

**Fang: **What?

**Me:** ...And you would know that how?

_**Rule #22: Let's just get one thing clear: whenever you are having a horrible hair day, you don't go to Nudge, you go to me.**_ I'll admit that she has skills, but come on. Who's got the most hair? Think about it, Frizzies.

_**Rule #23: No more marshmallow-eating competitions.**_ Dylan's choked about seven times, but he's in third place! Max in second. ...Jeb in first. (O.O)

_**Rule #24: When Fang asks you, "Guess what! Guess what!" don't say, "What, you're pregnant?"**_ Fang's face was priceless. It didn't help that he started feeling up his belly and said, "I...I don't think so..." Max heard the conversation and choked on the pickle she was eating. Dylan happily jumped on the opportunity to do CPR, but Max was laughing too hard for him to hold her still. It was a very sad day for both Fang and Dylan. Max...not so much.

_**Rule #25: Never forget my young grasshoppers: Pink is your friend, not your foe.**_

**Max's Rules**

_**Rule #26-Don't be afraid of Gazzy's anger managing methods. **_He eats s'mores very messily like a three year old, drinks lemonade like it was his third day in the Sahara, screams into Total's fur and screams some more because Total's too lazy to growl at him, screams at the television for not showing Glee, and screams at his dirty socks for being so dirty. Totally normal.

_**Rule #27-No more auto tune for Jeb.**_ He was way too fascinated with it. He even monologued with it for three days. It was funny at first, but after the second day Fang snapped and bit him on the shoulder. (Totally fits his name, am I right?) Jeb shrieked very loudly, which actually sounded pretty nice with the auto tune.

_**Rule #28-We can never stress enough cautious with this rule: If you are paparazzi, fear Fang and Dylan.**_ Just the other day they dueled with two press newbie's and went complete Chuck Norris on them. They then sang Kung Fu Fighting while dancing on top of them. Sickeningly hilarious, but still.

_**Rule #29-When trying to flag a taxi, don't throw candy bars at them. **_And Iggy, when laughing at cops asleep in their patrol cars, don't throw donuts at them. I'm not even bothering with the caption; it's pretty easy to figure out.

_**Rule #30-Never be afraid to stuff a sad Angel with muffins. **_Seriously, don't be scared to Chubby Bunny her. Not only will it block out the sad sobbing, it repents her from crying at all!

* * *

**A/N: **Hope you found those funny! I know at first I updated like, every other minute, but that was because I was really into it. Now I have other stories happening and I don't always get a lot of time to update this. K? Review! :)


	9. Experimental experiments and bug spray

**A/N: **Hello! Sorry it's been so long. I have all the chapters planned, I just have to get the nerve to actually write them. Thank you to all my reviewers, espicially: SunnyShiner, LalalandMuse, emowriter, FireyShadow, Fiona Siona, Cas Novak Winters, SockMonkeyGirl, agirlwithafanfiction101, Blackest Orchid, Girlygamer77, Iggyswritergurl, and KeeperOfDreams93. :)

I've been told that this is really funny, and I thank you for every single review, favorite, and follow! It means so much! :) Enjoy the chappie! And don't forget to review! :)

Reviewer of the Chapter:

**emowriter: **Number 24 made me die. I'm a ghost now.

* * *

**(Rules 121-140)**

_**Rule #121: Dylan, no more frat parties at the rez.**_

**Max: **He's always putting the blame on me and Fang when Jeb catches him.

**Dylan: **What? Who's the fat guy in the toga? Oh, I think it's one of Max's friends. He looks like he would be her friend, don't you agree, Jebie?

**Jeb:** Then who's the chick with the beer goggles?

**Dylan: **Oh, that's Fang's new girlfriend. He has to get her drunk so she'll go out with him.

_**Rule #122: No more Karaoke for us in the flock. **_

**Nudge: **We get WAY into it. Jeb and Dr. Martinez sang Back in Black thirteen times. Dylan sang Low by Flo Rida. You can probably imagine how hilarious that was. I sang... "I'm A GOOFY GOOBER! ROCK!"

_**Rule #123: Gazzy, you are NOT going to anymore baseball games with Fang.**_

**Gazzy: **RUN, PETERS! RUN, RUN, RUUUUUUN!

QUIT TRYING TO STEAL THE BASE, JITTERBUG

COME ON, SLOW-POKE! HIT IT!

SWING! SWING! I SAID SWING!

OH, HE HIT IT! WHAT! WHAT! WHAAAAAAAT!

**Everyone in the stands:** O.o

**Fang:** *Forehead slap*

_**Rule #124: No more food fights in Dr. Martinez's kitchen.**_

**Angel: **Her butcher knives aren't just for looks.

_**Rule #125: No more trips to the Museum. **_

**Gazzy: **Max and Fang pretended to be stuffed in some extinct bird exhibit, then they would mess with people who walked by. Max would snicker, and then when people turned around, she'd freeze again. Fang would whisper, "I see you!" Do you know how many people probably can't be in the same room with a toy now?

_**Rule #126: Iggy and Gazzy, no more experimental-experiments. If that makes any sense.**_

**Angel: **Fang pulled a book off the shelf and the refrigerator opened up.

**Max: **Nudge opened the mailbox and the garage door rose.

**Fang: **I started my motorcycle and Dylan's shower went from 80 Degrees to 120 Degrees.

_**Rule #127: Try to resist getting brain freeze when visiting the Rez. **_

**Max: **Freaks Angel out.

_**Rule #129: Gazzy, no more poking Nudge while she sleeps.**_

**Iggy:** And you wonder why she wakes up screaming at you?

_**Rule #130: No more free-sample perfume bottles for Nudge.**_

**Gazzy: **She literally _gassed_ the house. We slept outside for fourteen hours waiting for everything to air out. Dylan still can't stand the smell of vanilla sugar after that little incident.

_**Rule #131: Keep Total out of the bathrooms for the following reasons:**_

**Nudge: **He gets into my hair-dye (He was splotched with green spots for two weeks)

**Iggy: **He will cannonball into your bath water

**Max: **He eats mom's bath beads (Lavender is his favorite)

**Fang: **He rips up Dylan's Gamer magazines (...Which I SO didn't train him to do...)

_**Rule #132: Toby, when your snack gets stuck in the vending machine and doesn't fall, DO NOT reach up inside it and try to get it.**_

**Max: **His arm was stuck in there for twelve hours. Fang offered to gladly gnaw his arm off. Instead, they decided to take the whole freaking machine apart and charge us for it. Gotta love public service!

_**Rule #133: Iggy is not allowed to try contacts. **_

**Fang: **They don't work! But mainly because he can't ever get them in right and he just ends up poking himself repeatedly in the eye.

**Iggy: **Why won't this stupid thing go in?

**Ella: **...Iggy, you're not even holding it. There's nothing in your hand.

**Iggy: **What? But I had it in my hand just a second ago!

**Ella: **I think you're standing on it...

**Iggy: **...CRAP.

_**Rule #134: No more hot wings for Dylan.**_

**Max: **Sorry, man, but I will NOT be standing by you with seven gallons of water while you eat. We'll get you the mild ones.

**Fang:** Pansy...

_**Rule #135: No more bug spray for Dylan.**_

**Angel: **He's always doing ninja noises while spraying it on some poor fly.

**Dylan: **Hiyah! Take this, you fiend! Kiyah! Nyahaha!

_**Rule #136: No making fun of Jeb's Brittany Spears obsession. **_

**Max: **We still love you, Jeb.

_**Rule #137: Nudge is no longer allowed to watch the show LOST.**_

**Nudge:** Smoke monster, smoke monster, smoke monster...

**Angel:** Ah, Nudge? Why are you rocking back and forth in the corner like that?

**Nudge:** Hehehehe! Because I KNOW that smoke monster is secretly a giant clam, I just know it, everything adds up, up, up...

**Angel: **Yeah, that show'll do that kind of thing to good people.

_**Rule #138: Jeb has banned the following pets:**_

Moose ("They couldn't even fit in the backyard.")

Ducks ("They bite!")

Baby sharks ("Yeah...no.")

Lizards ("They're too quick!")

Pigs ("Just no.")

Worms ("...You're kidding, right?")

_**Rule #139: No more Romeo and Juliet. **_

**Nudge: **Dylan and I are always re-acting the opening scene with the servants.

**Him:** CAPULET!

**Me:** MONTAGUE!

**Iggy runs into the room:** MARTINEZ!

**Dylan and me:** ...

**Dylan:** I don't think there was a Martinez in that story...

**Nudge:** No, but he would have easily been the first party crasher of all time.

_**Rule #140: Jeb, do not ever, ever, ever, ever, ever... use the word "yo" ever again.**_

**Nudge:** Hey, Jeb!

**Jeb:** Yo!

**Nudge:** O.O

**Jeb:** ...What?

**Nudge:** I...seriously...think...I...just...died a little...on the...inside... (Faints)

Dylan walks by. Pokes.

**Nudge:** STOP DOING THAT, YOU ANNOYING LITTLE NOOB!


	10. Bite the dust and Family Guy

Reviewer of the Chapter:

**stylistnumber9: **Thanks. Just thanks. Now my ENTIRE CLASS thinks that I'm a freak for laughing so hard I cry. Just thanks.

******Iggyswritergurl: **Aww, too bad. A moose would be an amazing pet! All we need to do is convince that to Jeb. :)

* * *

_**Rule**** #141: The game "Catch the throwing knife" is forever banned from the Rez.**_

**Nudge: **Dylan and Max were bored one afternoon and came up with this magnificently creative idea for a death match. Basically, Player 1 throws a knife and player 2 tries to catch it. I wasn't shocked to find out they came up with this game-I also wasn't shocked when I heard that Dylan missed and was stabbed in the eye. At least it was a butter knife...

**Dylan:** MAH EYE! MY BEAUTIFUL EYE! GAWOEIHNKBAAAAAAHHHH!

**Max:** You SAID you have the reflexes of a ninja on speed!

**Dylan:** I was TRYING to tell you I have the reflexes of a DEAD ninja on speed! FUDGE!

**Jeb:** (Sigh.) I'm seriously thinking about abandoning them in Wal-Mart.

**Dr. Martinez:** (Furiously scrubbing down butter knife) I SECOND THAT IDEA!

_**Rule #142-No more prank calls for Dylan. (Well, no more prank calls for ANYONE, but mainly Dylan.)**_

**Fang: **He accidentally called the White House. And when he realized who he was talking to, he said, "Your dancing lizards are ready for delivery, Mr. President, Sir." Do you know how hard it is to bail someone out of federal prison?

**Jeb, after paying the ridiculous bail amount:** Dylan, why didn't you just hang up?

**Dylan:** Uh, duh! Because they would have been able to trace the call! If you watched public television, you would have known that.

**Jeb:** ...What? o.O

**Gazzy:** So why didn't you just do the 'wrong number' thing and apologize?

**Dylan:** Because the dancing lizards seemed better than saying sorry. Dancing lizards make everything better.

**Everyone: **O.o

_**Rule #143: Doggie Doors for Total are banned since they are the constant preys of pranks.**_

**Total: **Max glued it shut and I rammed into it face first.

**Angel: **Then Fang put wet cement on the other side and Total got caught right in it.

**Fang: **I SAID I'm SORRY!

_**Rule #144: Dance Dance Revolution is banned.**_

**Jeb: **Just no.

_**Rule #145: Iggy is no longer allowed to have laughing gas. **_

**Max:** Apparently it makes him blurt out some pretty interesting stuff. Leaving the dentist office after Iggy's wisdom teeth were removed...

**Iggy:** Jeb, do you remember last year on the 7th of June when it was drizzling that morning and you over slept because you were up all night watching Repo Men and you askedme to make your coffee so you could wash your favorite brown tie with the fishing poles on it?

**Jeb:** Uh... o.o

**Iggy:** Well, I accidentally put, like, a whole stick of butter in your To Go cup with your coffee. My bad.

**Jeb:** O.O

**Iggy:** Oh, and Ella, do you remember, like, like, four days-no, four and a HALF days ago, when I said that the chemical compounds we put in that vile of Powerade was stable?

**Ella: **Um, yeah?

**Iggy:** Well, they weren't. I was just trying to impress you by pretending I knew what the Hello Kitty I was doing. They'll probably corrupt and explode in Jeb's microwave in an explosion of toxic fumes at about 3:24 this afternoon.

**Jeb:** ...It's 3:24 right now.

**Iggy:** Oopsie! He-he-he-he-he!

**Jeb:** IGGY...

**Ella:** Aw, he tried to impress me with toxic fumes!

**Nudge:** I will never understand the ways of nerd love.

**Ella:** Your mother.

**Nudge:** What?

_**Rule #146: Max is no longer to be around roses. **_

**Nudge: **She had a massive allergic reaction when Fang gave her some after they had a bad argument. Max took one sniff and her face turned into one big red dodge ball.

**Iggy:** BUAHAHAHA! Oh, MAN Fang, that was brilliant! I bow down to you, dude!

**Fang:** You think I MEANT to send her to the E.R with an allergic reaction?

**Iggy:** Ah hah, ahhh... Wait, it was an accident?

**Fang:** DUH!

**Iggy:** Oh. Well, maybe you should stick to chocolates. Try Kit-Kats. They're delicious.

**Fang:** I despise you.

**Iggy:** Get in line with all the other jealous males, sweetness.

_**Rule #147: Nudge is no longer allowed to sing the song, "Another One Bites the Dust."**_

**Nudge: **She always finds some way to fit it into a conversation.

**Max:** (At the dinner table) Ugh, no more hot wings?

**Nudge:** And another one gone and another one gone. Another one bites the dust!

**Dylan:** (Character dies in video game) ALWIEJAJSFNOOOOOO!

**Nudge:** Bum. Bum. Bum. Another one bites the dust!

**Gazzy:** (At snack machine) Well, there goes the last dollar. Hope that Klondike is good.

**Nudge:** Bum. Bum. Bum. Another one bites the dust!

**Iggy:** You know Fang; you're probably next on the Biting the Dust list.

**Fang:** Hah! Whatever. She'll never be able to bite my dust. This guy is un-songable.

**Iggy:** Uh... Whatever, man.

**Fang:** Now, where's my stash of marshmallows?

**Nudge:** (Walks by, eating marshmallows)

**Fang: **...Oh...NO she didn't...

**Nudge:** Bum, (Eats marshmallow) bum, (Eats marshmallow) bum. (Eats marshmallow) Another one bites the dust!

**Iggy:** Told you so.

_**Rule #148: Tackle Football is banned.**_

**Jeb: **Max got waaaay into it.

**Max**: (Charges at Dylan) GRRRRAAAAH!

**Fang:** Uh, bro, I'd start hauling if I were you...

**Dylan:** (Sighs dreamily) You know what, Fang?

**Fang:** (Slowly moving to the side) Um, what?

**Dylan:** Although my wannabe girlfriend is about to pummel me into unconsciousness, she is lookin' so hot right no-OOOOOMPH!

**Everyone:** (Grimace) Ooooh...

Angel touches down across the field.

**Ella:** (Sighs heavily) Well, that's lovely. I was just beat in a game of tackle football by the smallest member of the flock.

**Angel:** (Doing the Running Man) Can't touch this, ba-na-na-na!

_**Rule #149: No more "Ster" and "Ater" nicknames. Some examples:**_

"The Maxater"

"The Jebster"

"The Dylanater"

"The Angester"

"The Nudgester"

"The Fangnater"

"The Gasster"

"The Ellaster"

"The Valenster"

_**Rule #150: If you happen to pop in at the Rez on cleaning day, don't be scared when you see Dylan feather dusting and screaming Lady Gaga's Alejandro.**_

**Nudge: **Totally normal. How do we know Dylan has this secret fetish/obsession? Fang told me he casually waltzed into the Rez and noticed Dylan pounce on the couch and throw the feather duster into the air in a dramatic fashion. Theeeeen...

**Dylan:** I know that we are young, and I know that you may love me, but I just can't be with you like this anymore... Alejandro.

**Nudge:** Fang then recalled Dylan flinging himself into the floor while using the feather duster as a make-shift microphone, singing in his best big boy voice–

**Dylan:** DON'T CALL MY NAME, DON'T CALL MY NAME... ALEJANDRO! I'M NOT YOUR BABE, I'M NOT YOUR BABE... FERNAND- (He finally noticed Fang in the door way)

**Fang:** (Slowly raises eye brow)

**Dylan:** O.O'

**Fang:** I didn't realize you were this intimate with your Swiffer, Dylan.

**Dylan:** Uh, heh, yes, well-

**Fang:** AND you named it. How romantic.

**Dylan:** Grrr. -.-

_**Rule #151: Family Guy is also banned for the flock.**_

**Jeb:** And they still quote it!

**Dylan**: MAX! WHERE IS MY SUPPER!

**Max**: STILL IN THE OVEN!

**Dylan:** WILL I HAVE IT SOON?

**Max:** QUITE SOON!

**Dylan:** THANK YOU!

**Max:** YOU'RE WELCOME!

**Gazzy: **Nyah!

**Nudge:** Nyah!

**Jeb:** I SAID IT'S BANNED!

**Dylan: **LAME!

_**Rule #152:**_ _**Nudge is not allowed to go shopping without someone watching her.**_

**Max:** I think Nudge can explain this one better than me.

**Nudge:** So what? I got kidnapped once, what's so bad about that?

**Max:** We searched for weeks!

_**Rule #153:**_ _**No more playing real life Fruit Ninja. Blindfolded.**_

**Angel: **Really Max? Ugh. Just ugh.

**Max: **I'm sorry man! How many times do I have to say that?

**Fang: **Until the swelling goes down.

**Angel: **Keep that ice pack on.

**Fang: **But it's so cold!

**Dylan: **No der.

_**Rule #154: Moonwalking is not allowed! Especially for Dylan.**_

**Max: **The idiot broke three mirrors!

**Dylan:** I did not!

**Max: **Tell that to the security cameras!

**Dylan: **I thought we took those down!

**Max: ***Troll face*

_**Rule #155: Never give Dylan a crossword puzzle.**_

**Nudge:** He will complain for hours.

**Dylan:** NUDGE! I CAN'T FIND 'KITTY!'

**Nudge:** THAT THING WAS MADE FOR THREE YEAR OLDS!

**Dylan:** SMART THREE YEAR OLDS!

**Fang:** Poor Dylan… You could have been a lawyer…

_**Rule #156: Angel, no using "The Eyes" to get what you want!**_

**Fang:** *eating cookies*

**Angel:** *staring with large eyes*

**Fang:** No Angel! These are my cookies! *looks down* Where'd they go?

**Gazzy:** *chewing* Were you going to eat those?

**Fang:** *sarcastically* No, I was gonna give them to a charity!

**Gazzy:** The charity of my stomach! *eats another cookie*

**Fang:** My cookies…

_**Rule #157: You can't yell at Dylan on April Fool's day!**_

**Dylan:** Oh yeah! Let's do this! *dragging a heavy bag*

**Jeb:** What'cha got there Dyl?

**Dylan: **You'll see! *smirks*

**Jeb:** I don't like where this is going…

*orange hits Jeb's face*

**Jeb:** DYLAAAAAAN!

**Dylan:** It wasn't me!

**Max: ***Innocence face*

_**Rule #158: If you ever need help with your hair, LET DYLAN DO IT!**_

**Nudge: ***sighs* I know, right? DYLAN! HELP ME WITH MY BRAID!

**Dylan: **ON IT!

**Fang: **What the...

_**Rule #159: Letting Gazzy watch Looney Tunes is just asking for trouble!**_

**Gazzy:**I'm gonna blow you all to smitherineys!

**Iggy: **Gazzy, stop it!

**Gazzy: **Them's fightin' words!

**Nudge:** *wearing a Daffy Duck mask* You're disssspicable!

**Angel:** *facepalm*

_**Rule #160: Pray that Gazzy doesn't get bit by a spider ever again. Once he was out in the yard helping Dr. Martinez with her Petunias, and he was bit by a garden spider. It wasn't poisonous, but it might as well have been...**_

**Gazzy:** Oh gah, oh gah, oh GAAAAH, THE PAIN!

**Dylan:** Dude, it was a garden spider. GAR-DEN SPI-DER. It's not poisonous.

**Gazzy:** I see the light...! I can't go into the light! (Gasp!) Oh no! The light's pulling me in, oh noooo...

**Fang:** Gazzy, you're not diei-

**Gazzy:** I hear the angels! Oh, such pretty music...

**Dylan:** Ugh. Maybe we should just kill him.

**Fang:** I am so close to slapping you. Ella, keep Gaz busy so he doesn't go into shock or something.

**Ella:** Why can't you do it?

**Fang:** Because I'm going to go find a Black Widow to bite Dylan.

**Dylan:** Oh, you'd LOVE that, wouldn't you?

**Ella:** Um, right. Uh, what's the music sound like, Gazzy?

**Gazzy:** Spiderpig! Spiderpig! Does whatever a spiderpig does!

**Ella:** Why am I not surprised...?


	11. Txt talk and yo mama

Reviewer of the Chapter:

**Wolf and MR Lover: **This is lolrotftupo funny. (FYI lolrotftupo means laugh out loud rolling on the floor till you pass out.)

* * *

**(Rules 31-45 by the girls)**

**Angel's Rules**

_**Rule #31: Absolutely no more Moon Walking with shopping carts in Wal-Mart.**_ Nudge is a beast at it, of course, but she managed to run over Gazzy in the process. The one time Dylan actually did it right, he danced riiight into the jewlery counter. He was tazered by Wal-Mart security guards for "disturbing the peace".

**Iggy:** Since when is Wal Mart ever peaceful?

**Me:** And since when does Wal-Mart even have security guards? With tazers?

**Max:** Since Dylan happened.

_**Rule #32: No more Napolean Dynamite!**_

"Lucky!" (Gazzy, after seeing my new plate that I made)

"Grandma just called and said you're supposed to go home." / "She didn't tell me anything." / "Too bad, she said she doesn't want you here when she gets back because you've been ruining everybody's lives and eating all our steak!" (Max, trying to get Dylan to leave)

"You know, there's like a boat-load of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join because I'm pretty good with a bow staff." (I'm sure that's true, Jeb)

"Did you draw her a picture?" / "Heck yes I did!" (Iggy and Dylan, back when Dylan was desperate to go out with Max, so he drew her a picture...of a goldfish)

**Nudge:** I like goldfish!

**Dylan: **I was not desperate. I was... lonely.

**Ella:** Dude, you have, like, three brothers and sisters living in a house with one bathroom. It's impossible to be lonely, believe me, I've tried.

_**Rule #33: Don't try to "Txt Talk" when texting Jeb.**_

**Nudge: **h goin to new jb 2day? =D F wnts u 2 pk up som new pap & pens LOL btw dr m wnts 2 try new cooke bater 4 max ttyl (:

**Jeb: **...

**Me: **What's it say?

**Jeb: **I have no idea...

**Me: ***glances at screen* Oh, tell her yes you're going to your new job tonight, Dr. Martinez is already getting the paper and pens for Fang, and that you're going to get the cookie batter when you get back- are you typing this?

**Jeb: **Um, I'm on the E in the first 'yes'.

**Me: **...Really?

**Jeb: **You know what, I'm just gonna call...

_**Rule #33: "Jumping mushrooms" is banned. Basically, you jump no mushrooms. That's it.**_ It's pretty funny to see Dylan do it, but then we realized he was allergic to mushrooms.

**Max:** (Shoves Dylan into the car and hops in the driver's seat) Don't worry, Dylan! I've practiced and watched Talladega Nights, like, five times. I got this.

**Dylan:** K-k-k-k-kill me...

_**Rule #34: Don't make fun of Dylan's bad pronunciation.**_

**Nudge:** Hey Dylan, where did you say those Peruvian peppers are grown in? I need it for my science report.

**Dylan:** (Squinting at computer screen) Ah, pepper, pepper, pepper... oh, found it!

**Nudge:** Fascinating, read it.

**Dylan:** Says here that the Paruvian pepper is found in... South Amerika.

**Nudge:** ...

**Dylan:** Never heard of that place before. Maybe it's Canadian!"

**Nudge:** ...

**Dylan:** ...What?

**Nudge:** SOUTH. AMERICA!

**Dylan: **(Squints at the screen again) ...Oh.

**Nudge:** You are such a noob.

**Dylan:** ...Your mom's a noob...

**Nudge:** Yours too, Dylan. Yours too.

_**Rule #35: "I scream, you scream, we all scream for-" **_

**Me:** "STARSCREAM!"

A word to the wise, don't question my Transformer obsession.

**Nudge's Rules**

_**Rule #36: Bursting into random song is banned. Surprisingly, about everyone busted at the same time.**_

**Dylan:** I feel a song coming o-

**Angel:** NO!

**Dylan:** Too late!

**Dr. Martinez:** 'Cause this is Thriller! HA! Thriller~!

**Max:** Meoli bootuh balggeut ggaji hot issue!

**Dylan:** Ice, ice, baby!

**Iggy:** And I say na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, I got me a sugar daddy!

**Jeb:** ...AAAAAAAAAAND I'M TELLING YOU! I'M NOOOOT GOIN'! YOU'RE THE BEST MAAAAAN I'VE EVER KNOOOOOOWN! THERE'S NO WAAAAY I CAN EVER GOOOOO!

**Everyone:** O.O

**Fang:** I give it an eight.

_**Rule #37: No more Superhero references.**_

"Alright, Squadies! HERO UP!" (We even have copyrighted catch phrases!)

**Dylan:** "AMERICA!"

(Captain America)

**Max:** "HULK SMASH!"

(Hulk)

**Me:** "WEB SLING IT!"

(Spiderman)

**Fang:** "FLAME ON!"

(Human Torch)

_**Rule #38: Jump Roping is banned.**_ Even we have our limits. FLOCK FAMILY FUN DAY! After jump roping for seventeen hours straight:

**Fang:** I t-t-t-think my heart just s-s-stopped...

**Iggy:** Hah, hah, hah, I've BEEN dead...

**Dylan:** (Panting like a dog, about to pass out) !

**Max:** No! Come on, Fatty! Keep jumping! KEEEEP JUMPING!

**Dylan: **Haaah, haaah, I ca... can' do it, Ma-"

**Max:** Yes, you can! PUSH! PUUUUSH!

**Dylan:** Puh... push? Wha'd ya mean, push?

**Fang:** She's lost to us, dudes. Ugh, moment of, ugh, silence.

**Iggy:** Hah, we, hah, should ask, hah, Jeb if ya, hah, if ya body can melt in the, hah, hah, Sun...

**Dylan:** Ha, doubt it. Nudge's been, hah, at it for way, ah, longer.

**Me:** Gottawin. Gottawin. Gottawinwinwin!

_**Rule #39**_: _**As it's been stated before, no more "Yo Mama" jokes.**_ Dylan and Max actually battled.

Yo mama is so ugly, people go as her on Halloween!** [Max]**

Yo mama is so ugly that her shadow ran away from her! **[Dylan]**

Yo mama is so ugly that yo grandma had to tie a steak around her neck so the dog would play with her! **[Max]**

Yo mama is so ugly that... well... look at you! **[Dylan]**

Yo mama-

MAXIMUM RIDE AND DYLAN! **[Dylan and Max's mama]**

**Max:** Yo mama's gon' kill you! (Runs out of the house) BURN!

_**Rule #40: Don't mess with Iggy when he's making pancakes.**_ He kind of gets into it. "Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, FLAP JACK!"

**Max's Rules**

_**Rule #41: Jeb is no longer allowed to give us swimming lessons.**_

**Jeb:** Okay, guys! Now we're gonna learn how to do the breast stroke!

**Fang:** The WHAT?

**Me:** (Groans and sinks down under the water)

_**Rule #42: Me and Dylan should seriously stop making dating profiles online Jeb. **_"Attractive exterminator looking for a good catch" "Young, hot treasure waiting to be discovered "Are you surprised Jeb got no matches?

_**Rule #43: Fang is no longer allowed to inhale helium. Not because it makes him sound hilarious, but it somehow makes him a little, ah...festive.**_

**Fang:** PICKLE JUICE! HORSE SHOE! YOUR MOM! JENGA, JENGA, JENGAAAAAAH!

**Angel:** Remind me to charge up my Flip camera next time we blow up balloons.

**Fang:** I'M GONNA BRAID MY HAIR!

**Nudge:** Fang, you've hair isn't long enough to-

**Fang:** THEN I'LL BRAID YOUR HAIR! GIMMIE, GIMMIE, GIMMIE, NYAHAHAHAH!

_**Rule #44: "I'm gonna sing the Doom Song!"**_ NO, NUDGE. No more doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, pleeeease.

_**Rule #45: Everyone, do NOT squish bugs ANYWHERE near Dylan.**_ Seriously, give it about a five mile radius. He, being a member of the flock, has super hearing, (well we all do, but Dylan has SUPER hearing) so he can hear you squishing the bug. Like, hear you squishing the insides, and the legs, and, yeah, bad stuff. I'm guessing it's not a very pretty sound, so, naturally, Dylan flips when someone kills a bug. One minute he's across the house playing F.E.A.R in his room, I sees a spider in the kitchen and my converse gives it a high five. Next thing we know, Dylan's screaming like a happy ax murderer and stumbling into the living room, where said spider is getting intimate with my shoe.

**Me:** What happened? Alma [creepy little dead girl] try to give you a hug?

**Dylan:** NO! Your SHOE did!

**Me:** Say wha-?

**Dylan:** (Lunges at me) ZUMBIYAJIKARIUAAAAAAH!

**Me:** (Casually steps to the side and Dylan collides with the kitchen table)

**Dylan:** Oh...my...flippin...guuuuh...

**Me:** (Grins) You've just been Bazinga'd, brotha.

* * *

**A/N: **I wanna thank everyone who's been reviewing! It means so much you have no idea. Please recommend this to your friends! Also, I know my updates aren't as frequent as they were when I first started this, what with school and all, but thanks for continuing to read through rain and shine, as they say. :)

When you review, do this...

Pick the month you were born:

**January**—-I kicked

**February**—I loved

**March**—-I karate chopped

**April**—I licked

**May**—I jumped on

**June**—–I smelled

**July**—I did the Macarena With

**August**—–I had lunch with

**September**—-I danced with

**October**—-I sang to

**November**—–I yelled at

**December**—–I ran over

Pick the day (number) you were born on:

**1**—-a birdbath

**2**—-a monster

**3**—-a phone

**4**—-a fork

**5**—-a snowman

**6**—-a gangster

**7**—-my mobile phone

**8**—-my dog

**9**—-my best friends` boyfriend

**10**—-my neighbour

**11**—-my science teacher

**12**—-a banana

**13**—-a fireman

**14**—-a stuffed animal

**15**—-a goat

**16**—-a pickle

**17**—-your mom

**18**—-a spoon

**19**—- a smurf

**20**—-a baseball bat

**21**—-a ninja

**22**—-Chuck Norris

**23**—-a noodle

**24**—-a squirrel

**25**—-a football player

**26**—-my sister

**27**—-my brother

**28**—-an iPod

**29**—-a surfer

**30**—-a homeless guy

**31**—-a llama

What is the last number of the year you were born:

**1**— In my car

**2** — On your car

**3** — In a hole

**4** — Under your bed

**5**— Riding a Motorcycle

**6** — sliding down a hill

**7** — in an elevator

**8**—- at the dinner table

**9** —– In line at the bank

**0** —– in your bathroom

Pick the color of shirt you are wearing:

**White**—because I`m cool like that

**Black**—because that`s how I roll

**Pink** —–because I`m NOT crazy

**Red**—–because the voices told me to

**Blue** —–because I`m sexy and I do what I want

**Green**—because I think I need some serious help

**Purple**—because I`m AWESOME!

**Gray**—-because Big Bird said to and he`s my leader

**Yellow** —because someone offered me 1,000,000 dollars

**Orange**—–because my family thinks I`m stupid

**Brown** —because I can

**Other**—-because I`m a Ninja!

**None**—-because I can`t control myself!

**Have fun! Please review! :)**


	12. The Golden Rules

**A/N: Thank you to everyone for sticking with this story...guideline...thingy through all its ups and downs! Review replies at the end of the chapter!**

**Final Reviewer of the Chapter**

**ZenaratheDragon: **All right. I karate-chopped a bird bath at the dinner table because I'm AWESOME! I am. I am so awesome. Wait. Sorry. That was one of the other voices. Sorry. Ok I'll shut up now.

**Last time I'll say disclaimer: I DON'T OWN MAXIUM RIDE, ONLY THIS STORY!**

* * *

**THE GOLDEN RULES**

_**Rule #20 If you're a reporter and you need someone to fill a gossip column, go to Gazzy.**_

**Reporter:** And what do you think of her?

**Gazzy**: I heard she was born naked.

_**Rule #19: No more pop songs for Dylan-he always gets the urge to scream them on Monday mornings.**_

**Dylan:** But they're such great motivators!

**Fang:** Dude, nothing is motivating on a Monday.

**Max:** Yeah, and no one wakes up early feeling much like P. Diddy, a plastic bag, or a G6. They feel like crashing face-first into a mattress. Can I get an Amen?

**Fang:** Ayyye-men!

_**Rule #18: Do not run in the rez.**_

**Angel: **Dylan learned this the hard way. Turns out Nudge decided to slick the floors with baby oil so she could attempt the Tom Cruise dance from Risky Business. She also so wonderfully didn't inform anyone about the floors slippery condition. So when Dylan flung himself in the house head first screaming about how he was driving by and Iggy was outside with a flaming lawnmower, the back of his head got very intimate with the edge of the coffee table. He only needed about, oh... twenty stitches?

**Dylan:** [turns around for us to inspect the back of his newly shaved head] How bad is it?

**Everyone:** 'O.O

**Gazzy:** Kind of like you were thrown into an illegal chicken fight...

**Dr. Martinez:** Shh!

**Max:** [grins with a thumps up] The back of yo head is re-dic-a-lous!

_**Rule #17: Don't ask Jeb the difference between turtles and tortoises.**_

**Jeb:** Excellent question, Nudge, however, the fact that you could not apprehend the obvious differences is slightly astounding. But, seeing as good deeds should be done, I will tell you. Turtles are most likely named as a reference to their order, Testudines, which is the main group of Chelonia, where creatures with cartilaginous shells are characterized. Testudines includes extinct and extant species, including the Testudindae, or tortoises. While these animals are distant cousins, the tortoise has obvious differences. For example, tortoises live in the dry temperatures of land, rather than water, where they are known to drown. Tortoises are herbivorous, while turtles can be omnivorous eaters of insects-"

**Nudge:** Kay, thanks! [Speeds off]

_**Rule #16: If you ever need help with a sign or poster for your product or event, go to Angel.**_

**Fang: **She actually did a great job with some advertisements for Dr. M's place.

_**Rule #15: Don't try to show Max affection. **_

**Dylan:** Oh, Max, I love you!

**Max:** [doesn't even turn from her episode of Jerseyshore] Cool story, dude. Go make me a sandwich.

_**Rule #14: Don't get on Max's bad side.**_

**Ella:** After Iggy 'drops' Max's phone in the washing machine:

**Iggy:** Hey Max, I want pizza tonight.

**Max:** You're dead to me.

**Iggy:** O.O

_**Rule #13: Try to avoid being the one to take Ella to get her annual flu shot.**_

**Iggy: **She's just a little terrified of needles.

**Ella:** COME AT ME BRO! COME. AT. MEEEEE!

**Jeb:** Ella, put the scalpel down!

_**Rule #12: Don't ask about how we got wings.**_

**Reporter: **So, Iggy, tell us how you grew wings.

**Iggy: **The same way you grew your FACE.

**Reporter: **...

_**Rule #11: Never attempt the legendary "ALLLLVIIIN!" scream at someone in the flock.**_

**Max: **Nudge is obsessed with talking chipmunks. Yesterday Gazzy took some of her makeup, and she freaked and yelled "ALLLLVIIIIN!" He was so sick of that show...

_**Rule #12: Do not let Dylan watch "1000 Ways to Die".**_

**Fang:** Did you ever see that episode of Spongebob where he wouldn't go outside because everything was safe indoors? Picture that, but with a little boy who shuts himself in his room and tasers anyone who opens the door. It only took about seven minutes for him to come out, but still.

_**Rule #10: Dylan and Max, stop using "we no speak americano" as an excuse to get out of everything. Especially at school.**_

"Maximum Ride to the Principal's office." / "No speak Americano!"

"Dylan, did you copy Fang's homework?" / "No speak Americano!"

_**Rule #9: When Jeb and Valencia go out on dates, make sure someone is there to accompany Jeb as he gets ready.**_

**Fang: **He got breath spray mixed with body spray last month. Then bug spray a few weeks ago. Yesterday it was cooking spray.

_**Rule #8: **_ **_Jeb is allergic to the 21st century._**

**Max: **(on the phone with Jeb) I'll text you a picture.

**Jeb: **Text? Now you're not even speaking English. (hangs up)

_**Rule #7: Fang might be the Guitar Hero champion, and Iggy may be pretty epic at platforms, but Max is the king of Halo.**_

**Angel: **She and Dylan played it all weekend to see who could beat the game quicker. Dylan beat it in eighteen hours-Max beat it in seventeen hours and fifty six minutes.

**Dylan:** NOOOO!

**Max:** I can feel your halo, halo, halo! I can see your halo, halo, halo-oo-oo!

**Iggy:** That's funny, 'cause the games called Halo and she was...

**Everyone:** ...

**Iggy:** ...so, you guys like trains?

_**Rule #6: No, Nudge does not wear pink every Wednesday.**_

**Nudge:** Only on days that end with Y.

_**Rule #5: Pray you aren't in the car with Jeb when it's late at night and he comes to a red light. **_

**Max: **Jeb gets a little disoriented. And forgets the difference between the brakes and gas. Just walk home. Your chances of surviving getting knifed or drugged are far higher than surviving a ride home in the Swagger Wagon.

_**Rule #4: Max despises shopping trips, so don't be surprised when this happens:**_

**Clerk:** Hi, ladies! What's going on?

**Max:** Oh, you know, hunting elephants.

_**Rule #3: If you see Iggy get hurt, don't say this: "Oh my goodness, are you alright?"**_

**Iggy:** OF COURSE I AM! I JUST FELT LIKE SCREAMING IT'S JUST SO BEAUTIFUL!

**Max:** Just making sure!

_**Rule #2: Sharpies are banned.**_

**Angel: **They let Gazzy get away lots of things. Like coloring the wall and blaming it on Total.

_**Rule #1: The best thing that ever happened in this family was also the craziest thing that ever happened to this family. If you happen to see six to seven flying humans this summer, just make sure you strap in, grab a helmet, and try not to fall off the ride.**_

* * *

**A/N: Ok guys! This was the last chapter. That's all the rules we've got. Before we go, I would like to thank:**

**Wolf and MR Lover: **For lolrotftypo-ing, and reviewing all those other times. Thanks! :)

**Demonic Angel 7: **For saying this story is lolz and reviewing! Thanks! :)

**spider-man fan: **For thinking that these rules are so soooo SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO funny! and reviewing! Thanks! :)

**I'M A KITTEN WITH A SHOE: **For reviewing! Thanks! :)

**emowriter: **Because unfortunately, she's dead now. She died laughing. Just kidding! Thanks for reviewing! :)

**Iggyswritergurl: **For thinking that a moose would be an amazing pet and reviewing! Thanks! :)

**KeeperOfDreams93: **For loving Gazzy and reviewing! Thanks! :)

**Illuminate the dark: **For agreeing that these rules are too true and reviewing! Thanks! :)

**VampiresExplodeInLight: **For laughing her head off and reviewing! Thanks! :)

**stylistnumber9: **I'm sorry. I'm sorry that your ENTIRE CLASS thinks you're a freak. I didn't mean for it to be THAT funny! Thanks for reviewing! :)

**cantthinkofabetterpenname: **For loving this story! Thanks! :)

**SilenceIsGolden15: **For being litterally in tears and reviewing! Thanks! :)

**stylistnumber9: **For being a freak and laughing at my story. Thanks! :)

**Also to cantthinkofabetterpenname, SunnyShiner, Guest, Girlygamer77, RebelDroideka, LalalandMuse, agirlwithafanfiction101, SockMonkeyGirl, Cas Novak Winters, and Fiona Siona!**

**Everything you guys have said have made a BIG impact on this story! So one last time, thanks! =D**


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